(* Originally written and posted here just before Mother's day this year, 2011.)
Although it's not about my mother, it's something I'd like to share ... something strange but beautiful to ponder no matter who you are, or what time of year it may be...
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Years ago now, I used to go to an agency where I spoke to several people, and one woman in particular always seemed to catch my attention. As I'd sit waiting for my appointment, I'd keep glancing over at her. There was SOMETHING about her... I spoke to her a few times, but not about anything personal. Perhaps it was because she was always very pleasant, really knew how to laugh, and made the people around her smile. But in time, I didn't go there anymore... and that was that...
Time passed, my sons grew older and the younger one joined the Army, on the delayed entry program. The Gulf War began shortly before he actually went in. At that time, he was going back and forth to The City with a friend they'd both known for a long time. Both were interested in photography and taking courses in it at college, as I recall, so they went for photo shoots. Often the three of them, and sometimes other friends as well, got together after work as well. I knew him through my sons, but I'd never spoken to or been introduced to his mother.
One day while I was visiting my sons, ( as they shared a place of their own by now ) the phone rang and I answered it. ( They had gone to the diner not long before.) It was his mother. She'd just had an operation and wondered where he was. She needed his help with some chores. I said they went to get something to eat, and would be back soon, and I'd tell him.
Although we'd never had a conversation before, we got to talking like we'd known one another for years, for about an hour. She just felt the need to talk to someone at that time and apologized, a couple of times for "bending my ear", as she called it. I assured her that it was not like that. AND that I actually had the time right now, and really enjoyed talking to her too... I said that I hoped we'd get a chance to talk again soon ... She agreed.
I was looking forward to it ...
But, sad to say, not long afterward, she passed on and I didn't get to speak to her again. Still, I felt good that we had had such a meaningful conversation that one time. It meant a lot to me too, because when her son came to talk to me one evening, I was able to tell him some of the conversation we'd had. It brought us a kind of closeness we had not shared before, as well. It bridged something when he felt this need to talk about her and what he was feeling, as her condition relapsed and the prognosis wasn't good.
My Army son was to be a pallbearer on that sad occasion that followed. My older son and I attended the all-day wake, with him. I sat on the sidelines talking to their friends, watching unfamiliar faces pass ... then one or two I recognized ... from the agency I'd gone to. ( Not long before this I learned that she had worked there as well. )
As evening was coming on, I suddenly felt weary and in need of the cool even ing air. So I wandered out to sit on the porch, alone, in the quiet of the countryside, for a while. It was warm, and a gentle breeze was blowing the little American flags that were attached to lightpoles along the road there. There were few cars passing. The sun was setting and the daytime fragrances were giving way to the cool, nighttime ones [ It seemed strange to think that my son would soon be going overseas, and I wondered what was ahead for him ... yet I felt peaceful ]
After a while, a young woman that I'd met before, and her mother, came out. Leaning over toward me, they were saying something about my son going into the Army ( wishing him well) I looked up at them, feeling rather sleepy. To be polite, I stood up, and as I did so, I felt strangely disoriented and said something that struck even ME oddly! In fact I was listening to myself speak and thinking, "why am I saying this ? "
Unexpectedly, I felt something welling up inside me as I asked her to " ... look after *****, I'm concerned about him. He's been keeping so much inside. "
This woman smiled and assured me she would, adding that she worked with him every day (which I didn't know until then. ) As they turned to go, she gave me a rather odd look, which was understandable, I suppose. I'm sure I wasn't really making sence, trying to hold what felt like two conversations at once, while trying to understand what had come over me. I was, also, thinking that it was just a very emotional time, so much to fathom all at once, and it had been a long day ... hmmmm... but somehow that wasn't quite IT...
I went back inside to look for my sons, as people were beginning to leave. But still I felt as though I was in a kind of dream. Noone was near me, yet I seemed to be being prompted, gently prodded, to go look at the photos of her on a display on the far side of the room... like> " do it NOW! " in a vague sort of whisper. Slowly, I walked over to it, and in a moment, I made the connection; This was the woman who had always drawn my attention ... the one who knew how to laugh, and made others around her smile! I HAD met her before!
I suddenly felt a smile come across my face, and a little laugh ... I found my sons speaking to her son and daughter. AS I looked him in the eyes, I said, " I remember her! I'd met her before, but I didn't know it until now!" A little misty-eyed and slightly choked-up, he turned to his sister and said "SHE remembers Mom; she knew her too!! " ... Might I add that in that moment, he was smiling, and so was his sister...
I glanced over at the lady in the red dress, sleeping, and felt her smiling back > from among us
I never got to tell them this story, because things moved so fast for a while after this, and on the few other occasions since then, it just never seemed appropriate...
Perhaps they will read this now... and perhaps there's a reason for it coming now ... rather than sooner ...
... and if you are, there's one more thing I have to add that I never told anyone ...
... She wants you to know> she STILL loves you VERY much* = )
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