Once upon a time

As we go through life sometimes it's so hectic and we get so overwhelmed with meeting the needs that it seems that we are always groping for the light of day... It's easy to see the big problems, but to forget the little blessings and reprieves that come along in life.

Once again, I found myself thinking about the future and trying to plan ahead for it, based on what I know and have here and now... Thinking of what I need to do to get those things I want and need before my life runs out. I always did that... and it's good to do, but then I have to chuckle and realize that it's pointless to worry about it TOO much.

Life has a way of sending us down roads we never expected... for better or for worse, and we really don't know how we got where we are even if we think we do. It seems reasonable to think that if you get college you get a great job if you do well there... but that's not always so. It seems that if we mess up a lot we'll never get ahead, but then there are many famous people who proved THAT wrong.

Sometimes I think there is something to FATE, but I do think we can control the littler things... like our own attitudes toward things that come along, and whether or not we will choose to watch TV or read a book, and things like that, but even then we might decide to take a shower and find that the hot water has run out because the landlord forgot to fix the hot water heater... or we might decide to forget about going to the Fair because we don't have the money for it, only to find that someone has just given us free tickets. There are always variables.

I think it's more important to do regular personal assessments... like looking into my habits and seeing how I can change one that's not working for me into one that IS, for instance. Am I a one to mope that I can't go to the fair because I don't have the money and then get the free tickets and STILL decide not to go for one reason or another?  ( No... I go, personally) Things like that can make a difference in the quality of life here and now, and change how I see things in the future.

I think that rather than looking at the world around us so much, and trying to figure out how to get from point A to point Z, we really need to take a good long look at ourselves and find the roadmap within that will lead us to where we really want and need to be. I was always a one to do that, but there was always something preventing me from getting past certain points. Doubts other people imposed on me through repeated suggestions, and actions geared toward their opinion of me, geared toward making me be, and do, what they wanted me to be and do, acting as a form of hypnotic manipulation. So my life path is rather a zig zag... though some are more complicated than that, no doubt


So I am thinking more about who I am... from the inside out... and not who I am in this world. I may not get to point Z, even so but it will make getting to the next point all that much easier.

My grandparents and parents are all gone now... The people I knew as a child have mostly become ghosts as well... the media, the news, the information we get, is all someone else's story too... Its time to edit myself again, and write myself a new script...................