The Child Within

I remember a woolly red mitten
Its fuzz reaching out to the wind
Catching silver-white snowflakes in passing
As I pondered a snowball within

I remember the roundness of raindrops
Worlds of color and filled with bright lights
Adorning a bush of White Lilacs
As they fell with such grace from their heights

I remember a jewelry store window
A showcase of sparkling gems
Enhanced by a soft sheen of black velvet
And the glow of smooth silver beside them

I remember the brilliance of ice
As it gave itself to the sun
Like firey silver-white ribbons
As it flowed in a musical run

There is life within each bit of sparkle
There is sparkle in each child's eyes
To lose sight of the truth of our oneness
Is to dwell in a rude world of lies

The fire of each sparkle, glinting
Is the spirit that is me and you
In a spectrum of Eternal Life's color
With tones of Divine notes, we move
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*At the end of a day, when my young sons were sleeping, I wrote this... in 1987 -RLR

A Letter to Susan/ simple joys

Germany... yes... I hear it's really beautiful. - I'd just like to be able to come back to Colorado for a while... or forever ; ) but I'd love to travel.

When I was growing up we used to take little day trips and they were little adventures really. They didn't cost much usually... but these days I worry about adding miles to my car and the cost of gasoline being what it is, I only do what I have to and rarely even get out of town, unless I have the need to. Luckily we have several beautiful national historic sites here aka MANSIONS with big lawns and nice views.

Dad always loved to go places, and we'd stop at roadside stands and yard sales, antiques shops and such. He knew a lot about places here in New York and always had interesting stories to tell too.

I always loved hearing the stories about places... especially when someone talks about how it was when they were kids. People of that generation used to tell true stories in a far more interesting way than most do now... but, sad to say, even my own sons would probably say I was droning on about stuff that didn't matter, if I did it today... everything is about what's going on in one's life NOW, and other current events and important issues in the news, it seems.

I was talking to a woman who remembers my father, last night. I had heard her name for years, but don't think I ever met her before. We were talking about how it used to be... and all the simple joys. (She knows the history of this town, and who still lives where. She's not actually a historian, but she could be. )

I wonder how many kids would be interested in things like playing marbles, these days, or jumping rope and the little sayings that used to go with it, but when I heard of some game Dad and his friends used to play, I wanted to learn it too. Most kids loved to learn to do things their parents had done, in those days. Many of the marbles I had had been his ; ) They were like GEMS to me and my brothers. I loved playing Red Rover and games like that too, but wonder if anyone does that anymore, outside in their own yard, with their neighbor friends... 

We also used to study another country for a week, and present some facts, or photos, about it and talk about it like we were going to really visit there, at dinner each night. At the end of the week we prepared a meal from wherever country it was, decorating the table as they would to the best of our ability, and tried to dress the part, if we could. That was my mother's idea... and it kind of felt like we had gone there after seeing all the pictures and learning all facts about it and sharing in all of that for a week... Now we have international cuisine down the street, and in every town you go through, it seems, but we had PRODUCTIONS lol

I thought I'd share these thoughts with you in cause you ever feel the desire to reminisce ...or share things about some other place you'd like to visit ( and noone seems to be interested or they're too busy ) I'm all ears * = )

LOVE IS THE OPEN DOOR

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ENDINGS... It seems that the only time loss isn't terribly painful is when we are casting off something we do not want in favor of something better for us. Of course if it means leaving people, places we love, behind, it is painful none-the-less. It is less painful when there is the hope that we may return one day, even if only to visit. But there are many kinds of painful losses we all experience... from losing a loved one, to seeing something we created destroyed, or losing our ability to do something we once did with joy, etc.

At least, these days, as far as loved ones who move away are concerned, we can keep in touch via telephones and the internet, as well as letters.... but that wasn't always so. In the past, many times people left and never saw or heard from one another again.... even though both were alive in different areas of the world.


>>>>> When my father passed on, I missed him for more reasons than I can ever recount, but when I thought of him as having gone to another land, still alive but without mail service, phones or the internet, it eased my pain. I knew that he didn't want to leave us, but we all know that it is something that is inevitable.

It's not the same thing as having someone demand that a loved one go fight in a war, or having been abducted. This departure may be one of our choosing or due to something beyond our control, but it will happen in due time... and to those left behind, there is never a good time, unless perhaps we see that one suffering by staying here, knowing it won't get better for them.

BUT even knowing that life is eternal and that we will meet again, doesn't help when we feel a need for their assistance or advice, or just being able to sit and speak with them about wonderful things that only they can share with us, from their experiences... but that is so even when a dear friend moves far away. These days many have the internet, with pictures and videos to enable us to share in the lives of ones we love who are far from us... but they aren't HERE... and we miss them.

When someone leaves, especially suddenly, without warning, it taunts the mind, and we seek something to fill the void; something that shows us they were really here and that part of them remains as real as ever... that they didn't just vanish into thin air, as if they were merely a figment of our imagination. Wandering, desperately seeking that familiar comfort, bewildered and disoriented, we seek to remember those familiar things about them that gave us a sence of belonging... of security... of joyous familiarity and comfort.

The worst thing about death is the finality of it, for even if we do meet again, somewhere in eternity... they aren't here now, and we have no way of communicating with them, or sharing in experiences... at least, not as we are used to....

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>>>>>Many years ago, I had a dream wherein I was on a long ride with my young sons, father, mother and my younger brother. We came to New Orleans where my grandmother, who had passed on several years before, was now living... to the south.

She greeted us and showed us how she was being provided for now. She wasn't wearing her glasses and said that that was something she need not be concerned about any longer, for now she had perfect vision and was able to do her needlework much more easily; and she no longer was plagued by her arthritis and other ailments... though she looked pretty much as I had remembered seeing her as an elderly woman.

Her room was bright and sunny, with draperies and bedding of a rose colour satin. ( Her favourite colour ) There were hanging plants here and there... and African Violets which she had always loved, and even potted trees. She had always loved tending to flowers and plants in and around her home. There were food vending machines that she said she was given tokens for every day, and with them she could get whatever she wanted, of the soups, salads and such that were offered... "A great variety, and all very good!" she said. She was delighted with this fast food service, as she said it gave her more time for other things she loved to do... baking being among them. She was free to come and go as she pleased, however... to venture forth wherever she chose to go.

I started to introduce her to my sons, who were preschoolers at the time, one of whom she had held just prior to her passing, and the other having been born soon after she passed. But she looked at each of them and said yes, she knew who they were... and she smiled first at one, and the the other, saying their names. She said that just because she was there didn't mean she wasn't aware of what was happening in our lives, and that she was still very much a part of them... more than we might be aware of.

At one point, my mother and sons went to get some kind of nosh from the vending machines, and were also delighting in using them. At this time, my grandmother took me aside. She said she had wanted us to come because she was concerned for my father. She said she wanted him to know that she was still there... alive. She wanted him to know she loved him, and that in his depression he could not see her. Indeed, he was sitting in a booth at the rear of the room, staring at a wall that was paneled halfway up. He seemed oblivious... deep in thought. ( For a long time, my father had been depressed missing her. ) She said she knew how close we were and that she wanted to get a messege to him and would I help her do that? I said I would, but HOW? She merely perked up when I said I would, and looked at me, with a glistening smile in her eyes, that said that was all she needed to know.

In a short time, my mother and sons and I were sitting on padded bench seats at the table in the rear of the room. They were telling me about the vending machines, all excitedly. My father continued to sit there, thoughtfully staring at that wall...

After a bit more time, we were ready to go... and stood in the doorway hugging and smiling at one another... telling her how much we had enjoyed visiting her and how we would come see her again sometime. She said we were always welcome. ( I don't recall where my brother had gone to... but suddenly he reappeared as well. )

Her final jesture was to hand my mother a package of BROWNIES she had made... something we had always associated with her... saying " You have a long drive ahead of you and someone may get hungry along the way."

In a short time we were waving adieu, and feeling wonderful about our visit.



I awoke from this dream feeling that is was something more than a mere dream. I dashed to the phone and called my mother. No sooner had I begun relating it to her when she interrupted me. She said that my father had just gotten up and seemed very restless. It was earlier than he had gotten up in some time, on a Saturday morning. She wanted to be sure he was alright.

She called me back in a few minutes, but during that time, my older son had dashed out to tell me about this dream he had just had of a long drive we had taken to a place far away, and who-all was there. He said we went to see this old lady... I asked if he knew who she was, He said he didn't but was amazed and bewildered, as he said, " But she knew who I was mom "...

In a moment my mother called me back. She seemed very concerned now. She said my father was roaming about the house as if he was in a daze and she was feeling that she might better call for an ambulance or something. Again she said she'd call me back in a few minutes.

This time, no sooner had I hung up the phone than my younger son, around 3 years old, came out of his room all smiles and babbling excitedly about this wonderful dream he had had... and in one long excited sentence, related almost the exact same experience as my other son and I had had. I asked him to describe the old lady for me... and he did... to a T... finally, breathlessly, asking, "Mommie, who was that nice old lady? " Smiling, I said, "Boys, THAT was Granny!" ( Later they were shown a picture, and identified her as the one they had seen in the dream," but without the glasses, Mom." )

In a few minutes, my mother called back once more. She said my father was saying that he felt he was supposed to go somewhere. He felt he was to head for New York City... to the south of where we lived. He said he had to go... and asked her to come along. She, then asked me if WE wanted to come. I said YES, and in half an hour they were picking us up and we were heading south. (About all I had had the chance to tell her was that my sons and I had had a remarkable dream about Granny... none of the details. There was this flurry of activity.)

The sun was shining brightly. It was a beautiful day. My father was quiet, and my sons were talking about things they were seeing along the way. I began to tell my father of this dream we had had... but got a look from my mother like it was best not to mention that just now.

We drove on and one of my sons said he was hungry. We hadn't had breakfast. My father ( who used to drive to The City on business a lot ) said there was a B. King not too far up ahead... in Tarrytown, near Sleepy Hollow. We would stop there.

Not long after, we were in there and Dad went to sit down. My mother, sons and I were at the counter ordering lunch when my mother suggested I go sit with my father while they got the food. So, I did. I don't remember just what prompted me, but I began to tell him of the dream, and how the three of us had had what seemed to be the same dream. I told him the story pretty much as I have related it here... with the final line being, about the BROWNIES.

No sooner had I finished saying that... when, with narry a breath of a pause, my mother, who had dashed back to the counter for napkins and straws and seemed to be lingering a little long, returned saying, " Sorry I took a little longer than planned... but I got some BROWNIES to bring along. WE HAVE A LONG DRIVE AHEAD OF US AND SOMEONE MAY GET HUNGRY ALONG THE WAY."

My father suddenly looked up at me, and I turned and looked him in the eyes. We stared at one another for a long moment, and my mother, paused and stared at us, saying, " What did I say?! What just happened?!"

Still looking him in the eye, I turned, excitedly saying, "DAD!! LOOK AROUND US!!! B.KING IS THE VENDING MACHINES! THE BOYS WERE WITH MOM GETTING THE FOOD TOGETHER! WE'RE SITTING IN A BOOTH TO THE REAR OF THE BUILDING, WITH PLANTS AROUND US! YOU WERE JUST STARING AT THE DIVIDER WALL WHICH IS WOOD HALF THE HEIGHT OF THE ROOM! ... "

Dad and I looked one another in the eyes once again, as I slowly reached out to hand him a BROWNIE, saying "Eat up dad... IT'S FROM YOUR MOTHER."
( It all fell into place... except ... where had my brother fit in? That came some time later when I learned that my OLDER brother had paintings in a place in New Orleans... so both of my brothers were represented in this )

We continued on southward, spending a beautiful, happy day, in Manhatten. My father, who had been so thoughtful, for so long,was suddenly whistling his spritely little tunes again.... alert, alive, and loving life!

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* In closing I'd like to add one more odd and interesting fact. We have asked many people, including people who had worked at a B.King, in this state and others, if they ever ate or sold a BROWNIE in a B.KING..., and they all looked at us oddly, and they ALL said" No... B.KING never sold BROWNIES! "... well... THIS ONE DID!

>>>>>and it all happened because LOVE is FOREVER... and knows NO boundaries! Although I didn't know how to get her messege to him, SHE knew... and all I had to do was AGREE! >>> LOVE IS THE OPEN DOOR... LOVE IS THE WAY ==============* = ) ========!===========here have a brownie===========love is goood ! ============================